Strategy group to strategise strategy

April 2016

The Formula 1 Strategy Group has got together for its monthly cup of coffee and decided to formulate a new way of complicating the sport even more. The recent change to the qualifying format didn’t work and was universally hated by teams, drivers and fans so the group decided to ignore it and annoy everyone even more before finally admitting that it was a silly idea after all and reverted back to the old format.

Their new idea is for all members of the Formula 1 Commission to go into a room and write the silliest idea they can think of, in crayon, on a piece of paper, stick them to a wall and all take turns throwing darts while blindfolded until one of the darts lands on one. The head of the Formula 1 Strategy group, an unknown man with a really nice suit, said he thinks this will be a really great idea.

"I think this idea will work. Between all the members of our strategy group, we have the combined intellect of a potato so I think it’s perfectly feasible for us to come up with another silly idea that will confuse fans even more. I don’t think fans are confused enough. My personal favourite idea is to make teams draw random numbers out of a hat and then add those numbers to their slowest time in qualifying, subtract it by their car number and that figure will determine their starting grid, unless the number they pull out of the hat matches their car number in which case they start from the back of the grid. I think you’ll admit that idea is pure genius and will make the sport even more exciting because the fans won’t have a clue what is happening. That’s what people want. Nobody wants to see close racing, overtaking or anything exciting like that. People want to see random."

The guy in the nice suit then took a slurp of his coffee and continued his conversation with his pet brick.