Ron Dennis not going down without a fight

December 2016

Recently axed McLaren team boss Ron Dennis has stated he will not leave his role until he has packed the contents of his desk in alphabetical order and systematically opened and closed all of the doors in the McLaren technology centre twelve times to match the number of drivers’ championships McLaren has won.

Dennis, who is renowned for his obsessive compulsive disorder and almost unnatural need for everything to be spotlessly clean, also stated he will spend his last day going over every surface in the factory with a pair of white gloves to make sure the factory is up to his high standards of cleanliness. He will then sit at an angle of exactly 90 degrees in his office chair until exactly 00:00 on 1st December 2017 when his contract officially expires.

The long-time head of the McLaren group was unceremoniously ousted from his position earlier in the year by the other members of the McLaren board who had become fed up with his insistence on having meetings at precisely 09:00 on the first day of every month, and berating anyone who left ring marks on their coasters. His position will be taken up by some big American chap who says he is keep to bring McLaren back to the success it had the last time and American ran it...