Hamilton linked to al-Qaeda
September 2012
British intelligence has uncovered a plot by Lewis Hamilton to supply terrorists with sensitive government information. After the British racing driver was caught posting information on Twitter, MI5 successfully hacked into his Twitter account with the username of “lewishamilton” and password “nicole”.
MI5 chief, Jonathan Evans, informed his next door neighbour of the findings. “We found several DM’s to leaders of terrorist cells detailing classified government information as well as latest military strategies and a forthcoming and highly top secret plot to bomb China. We now need to take Lewis into custody for questioning so we can try to find out how he managed to get hold of this information.”
Because of his close ties to American rappers and known association to music terrorist Nicole Sherzinger, the FBI and CIA are now getting involved amid rumours he may be planning to release a duet with the ex-Pussycat Doll which they believe would be worse than any WMD.
Once the story broke, Hamilton quickly removed his tweets and several others including ones with naughty words. Amongst these were tweets where he described Fernando Alonso as a complete **** jockey, Pastor Maldonado as a dangerous **** and another where he vented his frustration at being out-qualified by his team mate Jenson Button where he simply tweeted I ******* hate **** **** frickin’ ****.
Unsurprisingly, Lewis was reluctant to comment on his crimes of high treason. When asked why he was helping terrorists, he simply answered, “The team have done a fantastic job but I don’t understand why I’m not winning. Maybe it’s because I’m bla…”
