Hamilton can't break serve at Wimbledon

July 2015

Lewis Hamilton was denied entry to the royal box at Wimbledon because he was dressed like a rapper. Officials told the reigning Formula 1 champion to “do one” after he tried entering the upper-class establishment wearing his trousers halfway down his legs, a baseball cap on back to front and more bling than should be humanly possible.

Wimbledon is renowned for its etiquette and all spectators are required to go through advanced training, including elocution lessons, before they are deemed worthy to enter the holy land.

A spokesman for Wimbledon issues the following statement after the controversy. “It is policy here at Wimbledon not to admit persons dressed like a complete retard. This is a classy event where people dress smartly, eat strawberries and drink champagne. We don’t want to let any riff-raff in, especially when they are dressed like some reject from a Snoop Dogg music video. Mr Hamilton is more than welcome to come back providing he dresses appropriately which means no more stupid clothes. Oh and he should do something about those tattooes as well because he looks like a colossal turd.”

Hamilton was unphased by the whole incident and apparently went home to write a song about it. In the song, which has less chance of being released than Rose West, he apparently sings about being subjugated and victimised because of his heritage and unfortunate dress sense.